A Day of the Dead Riddle: What Does “The Next Great Adventure” Have in Common With Jane Goodall & Peter Pan??

Oct 26

"To die will be an awfully big adventure," said Peter Pan, the boy who refuses to grow up. J.M. Barrie’s 1904 classic story was one of my favorite childhood books.

Not quite a fairy tale, this thrilling fiction still resonates. For decades, my go-to Halloween costume has been Tinker Bell ~ spreading the pixie dust! And perhaps I got my affinity with shadow art from identifying with Peter Pan’s quest to find his lost shadow.

Great stuff.

But in fact, the story comes from author J.M. Barrie's “personal experiences and grief over his older brother, David, who died at age 13. Barrie's mother idealized David as a boy who would never grow up, a feeling that deeply influenced the creation of Peter Pan.”

Death also had a point of connection in the recent, runaway hit movie Barbie that was a (surprise) cultural phenomenon. As she becomes aware of mortality, our girl asks, "Do you guys ever think about dying?" during a dance party scene that brings the exuberance to a screeching halt.

So while there have been iconic cultural references to death and dying as expressed in art (Dumbledore in Harry Potter borrows from Peter Pan in a similar reference) I’ve witnessed that talk of death as the “next great adventure” is becoming ever more topical.

With Dia de Los Muertos coming up on the calendar, I was planning to write a post about preparing for death in a more positive, less fearful way, tapping into my Death Doula work; to note the “business” of death preparedness, utilizing the panoply of available tools, including Advance Directive/Living Will, naming a POA, securing a Doula, etc.

But then I started to read and hear what seemed to be a burgeoning trend in the media about death ~ almost a growing fascination, you could say. This idea of death as adventure seemed to be more or less everywhere.

Is it the last (no pun intended) frontier? A subject rich with opportunity for the media, especially social media?

Granted, I’m a certified Death Doula, and have a vested interest and affinity for viewing death not as an end but as a next chapter in our existence. But was I looking at this through my rose-colored Doula glasses?

A quick search shows that “death positivity” is indeed a cultural movement championed by an ever more expanding cohort of famous folks, including Jane Goodall.

Have you noticed this?

It should be said that I greatly respect other cultures' spiritual beliefs surrounding death, especially that of Buddhism. In the same but different way, is Dia de los Muertos, right around the corner, and its tradition of holding festivities honoring family and commemorating their loved ones’ spirits who return to visit.

Speaking of riddles (As in my headline!) Day of the Dead riddles focus on the core themes of the holiday, such as death, memory, and celebration that relates to the themes and symbols of the Mexican holiday, Día de los Muertos, which honors and commemorates the deceased. These riddles are often playful, using clues related to the holiday's traditions, like ofrendas (altars), marigolds, sugar skulls (calaveras), and the general concept of remembering loved ones. Upon a search, I found this garden-variety riddle that speaks to my garden aesthetic: "I'm a flower, a bright orange path. I lead souls back from where they're at. What am I?" (A marigold). Marigolds are the national flower of Mexico. These traditions ~ along with our All Souls Day, mark another way to view death and the dead in a more positive way.

Sooo, like a good reporter~news curator, I pivoted my feature content to bring you my observations, especially in light of these media trends because they focus on this death positivity, grief, and exploring our relationship to death. I think, in the end 😉 you will enjoy learning from these new, mainly celebrity-featured shows.

I’ve highlighted here a few timely, major media events that are embracing Death as an adventure and/or a way to generate topical, open conversations about death and take away the fear and loneliness of losing those we love.

In America, I’ve observed that the traditions of community and that extensive support network have been lost to us. We’re asked to snap out of our loss and get back in the swing of things… “Life is for the living” and all that…

But two things can be true at the same time. We can celebrate our living while at the same time learn to establish and embrace a different, new kind of relationship with those we’ve buried. In the literal sense and those from whom we are estranged, which has been characterized as often “worse” than a true death mainly because of a lack of closure. It’s has its own “ambiguous grief.”

All There Is

Coping with grief, in a healthy, honest, healing way is one of the reasons that Anderson Cooper’s All There Is appealed to me so much. I’ve learned so much from every one of his interview podcasts.

It’s a key mission of Cooper’s to unburden ourselves from the loneliness and what he characterizes as the “shame of grief.” He claims the show’s conversations have changed his life. And I daresay, for countless listeners

Recently, on the Stephen Colbert show ~ who was also a terrific All There Is guest ~ Cooper announced Season 4 that will be aired weekly and a New Interactive Show “All There Is Live with Anderson Cooper” to Stream on CNN.com and CNN Mobile App

The formal news announcement reads:

“CNN Podcasts announced today new episodes of the award-winning podcast series All There Is with Anderson Cooper will begin Tuesday, October 28. Cooper will continue his intimate, deeply moving exploration of grief as the podcast expands to a year-round production.

CNN also announced the launch of All There Is Live with Anderson Cooper. Premiering October 30, this new live weekly series will be a chance for podcast listeners and viewers to share their stories and engage with Cooper, his guests, and each other, online and on air. All There Is Live with Anderson Cooper will stream online at cnn.com/allthereis and in the CNN Mobile app Thursdays at 9:15pm ET.

“The conversations I’ve had, and the connections I’ve made with podcast guests and listeners have been profound. Grief can feel so lonely, but talking about it and hearing the experiences of others helps. I’m excited to be able to expand the podcast and launch this new streaming show All There Is Live,” said Cooper. “I hope it helps people feel less alone in their grief.”

Guests joining the podcast include country music superstar Luke Bryan, filmmaker Ken Burns, singer Nick Cave, radio host Charlamagne tha God, actor Kelsey Grammer, actress Mariska Hargitay, author Yiyun Li, comedian Tig Notaro, singer-songwriter Patti Smith, and others. All There Is with Anderson Cooper will debut new episodes on Tuesday evenings and will be available to listen wherever you get your podcasts.

You can listen to all CNN Podcasts content at www.cnn.com/audio

Cooper wrote:

Welcome! Wherever you are in the world and in your grief, I am glad you are here. I hope this is a place where you find worthwhile connection and conversation around grief. I know how lonely grief can feel, but talking about it and hearing the experiences of others does help. It has certainly helped me. I hope you will join me for new episodes of my podcast “All There Is", and for my new streaming show All There Is Live.

We’d love to hear from you. You can leave a comment, share a video through Instagram, or leave us a voice message.

Nice invitation to a healthier journey toward managing grief. I highly recommend Cooper’s shows. He asks the right questions ~ often tearfully ~ and offers positive guidance, gleaned from his fascinating guests. This is wisdom we can all use…

Famous Last Words

And then there is the premiere of Brad Fulchuk’s podcast that is his exploration on finding meaning in death.

Falchuk’s Famous Last Words lets icons define their legacy—starting with Jane Goodall, who had famously said in a previous interview, “My next great adventure, is going to be dying. There's either nothing or something. If there's nothing there's nothing, that's it. If there’s something I can’t think of a greater adventure than finding out what it is. I happen to think there is something because of the experiences I’ve had, because of experiences other people have had. Very powerful ones.”

I watched the YouTube video of Gywneth “interviewing” Brad, her husband. It’s a window into what Famous Last Words is all about, its motivation and the inspiration for the series and its lofty, heartfelt goals, along with the reason why he and his guests are talking about death now. (There’s also some sweet tender moments between the couple…)
Fulchuk talks about the first interview. With Jane Goodall. Here’s their written news overview:

“Two weeks ago, the world paused to honor the legacy of Jane Goodall. Forty-eight hours later, Netflix released the first episode of Famous Last Words—the new series created by Brad Falchuk, where icons sit for what they know will be their final interview, to be aired only after their death.”

Goodall’s episode was the last one filmed and the first one to be released.

Shot in March, just months before her passing, it captures her reflecting with extraordinary clarity on the things that gave her life meaning: her devotion to science, her complicated feelings toward her ex-husbands, and who she hoped might greet her “on the other side.” In her voice, there’s no performance left—only a deep meditation on goodness, love, and what remains when ego falls away.

On the goop podcast, Gwyneth sits down not just with the creator of the series, but—as she puts it—her “favorite guy” to talk about what it means to witness someone at the end of their story. “The idea of this show is both so simple and so profound,” Gwyneth says. “To capture the essence of a life when there’s nothing left to prove.”

She admits she had a hundred questions for him: how he built something so intimate and brave, what it felt like to step in front of the camera himself, and what recording these conversations with cultural giants taught him about mortality, art, and how he wants to live.

The series, based on a Danish format that became a cultural phenomenon, is already quietly going viral. And in the space between Gwyneth and Brad—between the person making the work and the person who knows him most intimately—we get something just as interesting: a love story about how we bear witness to each other’s lives, even before the end.

On the concept of Famous Last Words:

Fulchuk said, “We have guests who are very, very famous and very old…We built a special set that is manned by five cameras that are remotely controlled. So the cameramen aren’t in the room…they’re not listening to what’s being said. The whole set is locked down. There’s nobody in the room, but the guest and me doing the interviews…the idea is that they can have a really honest conversation…because we don’t air the interview until after they pass away.

After you die, everybody’s talking about you. Everybody’s defining you… This is an opportunity for them to say who they were…

At the end of the interview, I step out. And they look directly into the camera and they say what they wanna leave the world with, their last words, so to speak.”

On empathy over sensationalism:

My goal is not to get some salacious piece of information…I’ve researched them extensively…with the idea being, I’m gonna make them feel safe enough to talk about anything.

On society’s illusion of permanence:

We are living in a time that’s challenging. Jane said it herself…People seem to have forgotten that they’re gonna die…When you think [you’re] gonna go on forever, greed, jealousy, selfishness, and violence all seem acceptable…Reminding everybody they’re gonna die, hopefully, will allow them to re-center themselves.

“We’re incomplete as a culture if death is not part of the conversation…It’s the two things we all share, we’re all born and we all die. We all share it, and yet we don’t talk about it.”

I couldn’t agree more.

On regrets, sacrifice, and hard work:

Everybody in some way who had kids would’ve liked to have spent more time with them…Most of us gave up time with people we cared about in order to accomplish something. It’s just how it works. You really can’t have both, no matter how hard you try.

Luck found them, but that’s ’cause they worked really, really hard. Every single one of them was tireless and whatever the path they chose, they had the talent, but they never, ever gave up.

On Brad’s takeaway:

My last words would be to really strive for real truth and to never lose your integrity. And to find somebody you truly love and then everything will take care of itself.

Cemeteries

I often ask why, in most every other part of the world except for the U.S. families frequently visit their loved ones at the cemetery, or crematorium, but not here?

Why is that?

I know one reason but not the other, “elephant in the room” one…

As a horticulturist and garden designer, I’ve studied garden history and know that in the past, folks visited their loved ones not only to commune with and to honor them, but also because cemeteries offered a beautiful, park-like setting for them to enjoy an open-air greenspace. It wasn’t until at least the 1700’s that city parks emerged, and the 1800’s when larger, more formally-designed parks were constructed for the common people to enjoy. Before that, parks and country estates were only for, you guessed it, the elites.

So cemeteries were a place to get out and enjoy nature.

Many of our cemeteries are gorgeous places not only for their horticulture but also for their history. Green-Wood Cemetery in Brooklyn is a great example ~ and one that I’ve visited with our Metro Hort group. Green-Wood offers so much horticulture and history and discovery ~ and that’s not just the Doula in me recommending! Be sure to check it out and take a tour. Forest Lawn in Los Angeles is another classic cemetery with history.

And even though it’s not in the U.S., I have to mention the famous Paris cemetery, the Pere-Lachaise, where such American notables as Jim Morrison, Gertrude Stein, Alice B. Toklas, and others are buried… And help to draw scads of visitors every year.

Whistling Past the Graveyard

Which leads to the question “Is there a fun way to celebrate the departed besides Dia de los Muertes and at the same time, mark an on-ramp for folks to begin a healthier conversation about dying?

Doing their part is TalkDeath Cemetery Scavenger Hunt. The annual event encourages people to appreciate and learn about local cemeteries and their histories.

It invites community members to visit cemeteries, reducing stigma and demonstrating that cemeteries can be spaces for the living. Participants learn about memorial iconography and history, connect with their community, spend time with friends and loved ones, and reflect on mortality.

This year’s Cemetery Scavenger Hunt was scheduled for Sunday, October 26th.

Folks could attend and participate at any local cemetery of their choice that is open to the public.

The organizers say they strive to include a spectrum of clues, the more historic and diverse the cemetery, the wider variety of clues you’re likely to find (think older cemeteries that have upright monuments and gravemarkers). They don’t guarantee that every cemetery has every clue, but they try their best to ensure folks participating across diverse regions and cultures will be able participate, learn more about their cemetery, and have a good time.

How TalkDeath’s Halloween Cemetery Scavenger Hunt Works:

Invite your friends and check in with your local death collectives to see if they are participating as well. The more, the spookier!

Explore the cemetery looking for monuments that match the clues (think symbolism, names, dates, etc.)

Upload all found clues in the provided form and submit.

Winners are announced an hour after clues are due.

Prizes will be awarded to whoever finds 13 clues first, the highest number of clues found, and accolades such as most creative photography!

More details At Talk Death

I urge you to check them out and join in and/or produce your own community Cemetery event. Picnics in June? Christmas wreaths. There are so many volunteers who honor veterans and who give voice to the un-named…

Maybe you will be inspired and drawn to contribute in some creative way.

Remember to always keep your loved ones with you. Celebrate your relationship with them in your new, different dimension.

Never say goodbye because goodbye means going away, and going away means forgetting.– Peter Pan

After I posted this, I thought of my Gywneth Paltrow Memory. (pre goop) It was at my second “Author’s Night” at the East Hampton Library ~ the swanky annual fund raiser. It’s a story unto itself but a quickie is that she was signing a book there too. It was sooo busy. We were in the same book-signing square “pen” of tables (attendees walk around the outside of the authors’ set up) When she saw me and the Hamptons Homegrown cookbook, she was so very enthusiastic ~ saying she “LOVED it!” (she already had one and cooking the recipes) Yet she asked me to sign a book for her and one for her mother, Blythe Danner. I met her children, too. A big moment for moi. A happy memory. Thanks, Gwyneth.